Episode 101: How to Own Your Growth with Holly Cotton
In this episode of The Pursuit of Badasserie, we sit down with the incredible Holly Cotton to dive deep into the journey of personal growth and accountability. Holly shares her transformative insights on owning your actions, improving communication, and making impactful changes in your life. Discover how taking responsibility for your growth can lead to profound shifts in both your personal and professional life.
Key Takeaways:
- The Power of Accountability: Learn why acknowledging your role in past challenges is crucial for moving forward and achieving personal growth.
- Effective Communication: Holly discusses her journey from struggling with communication to becoming a skilled communicator and how this has impacted her relationships.
- Transformative Growth: Hear how embracing discomfort and trying new things can help you find your true purpose and avoid future regrets.
- Empowering Adolescents: Holly introduces her book series, Your Mind, Your Magic, designed to support adolescent mental health with practical affirmations and scenarios.
Resources Mentioned:
- www.hollycotton.com
- Holly Cotton’s Website
- Your Mind, Your Magic Book Series
- Special Code for Free eBook: “FREE EBOOK” at checkout
Guest Bio:
Holly Cotton is a dynamic Wellness Expert, Media Personality, and Best Selling Author dedicated to empowering individuals through practical and holistic approaches to health and mental well-being. Blending her extensive expertise as a registered nurse, life coach, women’s health advocate, podcast host and entrepreneur, she inspires and guides others to transform their lives and achieve their fullest potential.
Holly holds a Master’s Degree in Nursing and has leveraged her medical expertise to advance her nursing career and establish herself as a distinguished authority in health and wellness.
Holly is also a fitness coach who advocates for a holistic approach to life, emphasizing mental fitness as much as physical fitness. Her podcast, “Holly Cotton Conversations,” features discussions on mental health awareness, financial empowerment, nutrition, self-love, and inspiring success stories. More than just a survivor, she emerged as an advocate for mental health care in adolescence with her organization “Your Mind, Your Magic”. An initiative inspired by her book series, which promotes adolescent mental health and encourages open conversations about the challenges of growing up and the transformative power of positive thinking.
Holly’s impactful work has garnered her numerous accolades and visibility across various media platforms, spotlighting her dedication to being the change in the world.
Having triumphantly navigated her own battle with breast cancer, she has utilized her dynamic vision to inspire and empower individuals to harness their personal power and resilience.
Holly’s books include:
- Strong. More than Muscles
- Day 1. A guide to identifying, organizing and executing any goal.
- Somebody’s Wife, or Not…
- Ink & Imagination
- Your Mind, Your Magic.
-Affirmation Anthems for Teens
-Affirmation Anthems for Extra Special Teens (also espanol version)
-Affirmation Anthems for Warriors (also espanol version)
-Affirmation Anthems for Young Kings (also espanol version)
- Pawsitive Tails
- Don’t Call Them!
If they have a tween or teen, I can give them a free e-book link for one of the books from my affirmation series.
Connect with Holly Cotton:
Connect with Us:
- Visit our website: The Pursuit of Badasserie
- Follow us on Instagram and Facebook
Call to Action:
If you enjoyed this episode, please leave us a review on your favorite podcast platform and share this episode with someone who could use a boost in their journey towards accountability and growth!
Make sure to subscribe to our YouTube or Spotify and leave us a review!
- Like the show? LEAVE US A REVIEW wherever you listen!
- Have a question? CONTACT US at info@thepursuitofbadasserie.com!
Want to sponsor us? Find out how HERE.
…
Read the full transcript of this episode below:
Lynn Howard
Hey, I’m Lynn
Amanda Furgiuele
And I’m Amanda. Welcome to the Pursuit of Badasserie, the podcast. We have another incredible guest. As always, today we have Holly Cotton.
She’s a dynamic wellness expert, media personality and best-selling author who’s dedicated to empowering individuals through practical and holistic approaches to health and mental well-being, lending her extensive expertise as the registered nurse, life coach, women’s health advocate, podcast host and entrepreneur.
She inspires and guides others to transform their lives and achieve their fullest potential.
Lynn Howard
Welcome to the show, Holly.
Holly Cotton
Well, I’m glad to be here. Glad to be here.
Lynn Howard
All right, tell us a little bit about how you got started.
Holly Cotton
First of all, you have how many books? Quite a few. I have 12 books now, so already working on 13th, though, because I you know, one’s just always segues into the other, but yeah, 12 books.
Lynn Howard
That’s awesome. Tell us a little bit about you how you got started.
Holly Cotton
Yes, for sure. So I always say that my second chapter started after my diagnosis with breast cancer in 2012.
So I was diagnosed in 2012, healthiest version of my life. I was the pull up queen, push up. I was in the best shape.
I had the ripped abs. No idea that I had cancer growing in me. And I found a lump went through that whole process.
And then after I had my surgery, I was the weakest I’ve ever been in my life to the point where I couldn’t bend over to shave my legs.
I remember the first time I was able to pull my hair up to put my hair in a ponytail because of the limited range of motion with the scar tissue, the pain.
And I just remember saying, wow, this is this is really the weakest I’ve ever been in my life. And I vowed that I would never be in this state again.
And so So I wanted to make sure that I became the strongest version of myself spiritually, mentally, and physically.
So I just started that recovery process and just trying to be the best version of myself. And then in 2019, I decided to write a book about my triumph over cancer.
I would always talk to other patients that were going through breast cancer. I was a huge advocate for breast cancer awareness.
I just started talking about it so many times. And I was going on all these stages and telling my story.
So I was like, you know, you want to book about this? Because I feel that everybody wants to know my story about how we tried, right?
So then I was like, they did it. So I wrote my first book called Strong More Than Muscles. And it’s still bought all around the world.
I’ll get emails periodically, especially around this time of year, you know, from someone in Greece. I’ve had Romania. have course.
all Mexico because they translated in various languages, you know, depending on global distribution. So anyway, that was my first book I wrote in 2019.
And then that pretty much put me on a whole different trajectory in life because I realized that that book was well written and I probably could write another book.
And I said, about this. So I wrote my next book day one, also same thing, bestseller, just started getting moments from getting paid from this.
I’m thinking, okay. it’s like every chapter that I’ve gone through in the last since 2019, in the last few years, I feel that I’ve wrote something about what I’ve learned during that period, what my passion is during that time, things that have helped me along my own personal growth journey.
And so that’s where we are now. Just thanks to Cancer. Here I am.
Lynn Howard
Well, we love we not love that you had cancer, but we do love that because we can relate like all of our books are from that kind of perspective as well.
And it’s just like how we’ve navigated our minds head around it. I’m also a cancer survivor, I’m not sure.
really search. But yeah, I had it 10 years before you, but melanoma. So I completely understand that and relate to the journey that you are speaking of and to share our stories, especially when we come out the other side, stronger, more fire, like more determined than ever, has been absolutely life changing, not just for those that I share my story with or I’m sure that you share your story with, but also for myself, like every time that I get to have that conversation on a deeper level, it just helps fuel me even more for, I would say, for my purpose.
Amanda Furgiuele
And I feel It’s so important to just the concept of really advocating for yourself and knowing what’s going on, being aware of yourself, advocating for your own well-being and having self-love and really implementing that.
It’s so important, even if you haven’t had cancer, but especially if you have any medical concerns, it’s so important.
Holly Cotton
Someone said something on one of my shows and they said it’s the push of pain or the pull of possibilities, and that’s how you find your purpose in life.
So, unfortunately, for a lot of us, it’s the push of pain that push you to find your purpose, because usually you have something that comes up and you don’t really know if that’s what I want to do, but boy, you get your feelings hurt or you almost die or something traumatic happens, you’re like, you know, how to get this life together.
Amanda Furgiuele
That is so true and very true that it’s oftentimes the pain. It’s not necessarily the possibilities. I mean, often it’s both, but the pain of that disability,
Comfort is a huge catalyst for all sorts of change and possibility and and it’s a good thing but only if you really embrace the mindset of it because it’s so easy when you have that push of pain to sit in the pain and to sit in that victim mentality and it’s really rising above it that will make a difference in your entrepreneurial journey if that’s the journey or going or whatever journey you’re taking.
It makes a difference in your mindset around that pain.
Holly Cotton
Definitely, definitely.
Amanda Furgiuele
So tell us a little bit about so you have this journey of multiple books. How is that translated into what you’re doing now?
how is that evolved into what you’re doing now?
Holly Cotton
So again, I just started telling my story and I didn’t realize that my story was actually something that could impact people.
I just told the story as oh my gosh, you know, my doctor started giving my name to people that were diagnosed with cancer and they would call me and I’m just telling the story and
talking just because that’s what I do. And then I didn’t realize that this was something that was actually going to be a purpose in life to be the change and to be the person that other people could look at as the inspiration story.
I just thought I was just living a regular life. So then when I started talking to people and actually going on panels and actually being called to be the keynote speaker at events, I was saying, oh, you know, okay, this is kind of aligning with my goal to, you know, be the change and make the world a better place.
My trait is nursing. I have a master’s in nursing. So I’ve kind of always been that nurturing soul, the kindred spirit, the person that took care of people.
It’s just that now it’s on a broader range. So now in addition to, you know, being able to offer a wellness expert point of view, a fitness expert point of view, a holistic lifestyle point of view.
Now, I can also offer information about being an entrepreneur, following your drinks, being a woman who can do it all.
Yes, you can be a mom. Yes, you can be in corporate America. Yes, you can still be an entrepreneur.
Yes, you can do all of these things, travel the world, have a flexible schedule, whatever it is that you want, you can figure out how to do it.
You just have to do it. And I think that that’s what my purpose is, is to use my story as an example, as long as I’m here, to inspire other people to know, hey, she’s not afraid to fail.
Hey, she’s got 32 jobs and she still figures out how to go to the gym. Wait a minute. So she, oh, so you are a mom?
Yes, I have all of those titles still. It’s just that I prioritize what’s important to me. And I make sure that I only align with things that go with my brand.
And I’m very intentional about the relationships and the networks that I have. So I’m not all low for the place.
I’ve been doing a thousand different things. Everything is still part of what the Holly Cotton brand is. And I think that that’s important for my brand.
And it’s also important to educate other women, do all of these things, try and make sure they align. What is the purpose of what you’re doing?
What is your brand? And I have something in my phone. It says, when people look at me and, you know, you even said Amanda, just what you heard based off of other people’s, the way that they spoke about me, that tells me that what I’m doing and when I have that, what people look, when people look at me list, that I’m following that list.
I want people to see those things when they look at my social media, whenever they have a conversation with me.
I want everyone to have the exact same opinion about a conversation, no matter who you are, whether you’re CEO, whether you’re the roach on the ground.
like whatever it is. I like that. So when you exude that everything just aligns with what you are. So that’s my purpose.
That’s what I’m here.
Lynn Howard
That’s what I’m doing. I love that. I would love for you to share with the audience. How do you say centered or grounded in that?
Because, you know, we’re fellow go-getters as well, both all of us have navigated single-parenthood. My kids are a little older now, but also navigating a diagnosis.
My kids were three and about to turn four when I got my diagnosis. And so how? I love that you do everything with intention and that you have that actually visual or big people about visual.
But how do you say grounded and even in the right mental state? I know you work a lot with clients, like around mindset and saying and that kind of like groundedness.
could you share your secrets?
Holly Cotton
I will tell you the biggest secret is boundaries. The biggest secret is boundaries. I have no problem and the people that are closest to me, I just had a girlfriend tell me the other day.
She was like, love that you have your boundaries and you stick to them. You’re like, that has nothing to do with me, that has nothing to do what I want to do and I’m not doing it.
Honestly, that is how I function in life. will say no to something in an instant. If it is not something that I want to do, I am no longer going to be the yes person to make you feel better.
I’m just not, I’m not absorbing your negative energy. I had a girlfriend going through a breakup and every day she called me about the saga, what happened, what was going on.
I said, listen, I love you and I would love to be here for you one day a week, but I cannot absorb your negative energy every day.
It pulls me in a negative space. I’m mad at your ex, he’s not even my person. person. It makes me not be able to focus on things because now I’m in a gloomy mood because of what you have.
I love you, but I can’t do it. I cannot absorb your negative energy. And that’s how I function in life.
And I think it’s so important for us, especially as women, because we are multitasking. Even if my kids, like if I have, you know, they have a bad attitude and I’m like, okay, you know what?
Today, I’m not dealing with your bad attitude. I’m sorry, like it is what it is. I’m just not going to do it.
If I go and go, and they’re like, oh, then you be grumpy by yourself. I’m not going to allow that to penetrate my aura.
And I think that when you have those boundaries, whatever they are, if you’re in corporate America, I’m not answering emails after 4.50 p.m.
I’m just not doing it. I’m still not doing it today. No, when I’m on vacation and I’m on Do Not Disturb, I’m on Do Not Disturb.
And the problem is, is that you think you have boundaries, but then those boundaries are actually just lines in the sand that can actually be erased.
So I want you to take this advice, draw it out and eat. Stance it, spray paint it, whatever analogy you need to have to know this is my space and I’m not crossing out of this and stick to it.
It’s not, I feel this way and I’m going to say no, but then they call and okay, I’ll do this one last thing because guess what?
They got what they needed and now I have exchanged energy with you. You got what you want, but now I feel that I’m overworked or I feel tired or now that’s more time that I can’t go to the genome or just do whatever I want to do that makes me feel happy.
boundaries is the biggest piece of advice I would give to anyone.
Lynn Howard
I love that. Literally just having this conversation with my homey after the doctor, like this week, but what I love about with
you just said because you’re absolutely right. A lot of people draw the line in the sand and that is wishy washing.
So the water can come up and kind of wash it. And I love how absolute you are, but also you said something earlier is that boundaries doesn’t mean that with your girlfriend, right, that you stop talking to her, but you’re like, no, this is, this is a solution.
Like all these other days back up or be be out of those feelings. But this day, can be that space for you.
I can be that container for you. So I, I love how you not only are drawing those boundaries, but you’re also solution oriented.
You’re saying, okay, this is what we can do. If you, if you want to do it, right?
Amanda Furgiuele
So you’re also honoring like your side of it. So I love that. Yeah.
Holly Cotton
Thank you. And I really live like that.
Lynn Howard
I don’t just say stuff that sounds good. That’s really how I live.
Amanda Furgiuele
I really love about it is it’s, It’s very unapologetic because I feel like and maybe this is actually not even maybe this is a generalization for women But we feel the need to people put these a little bit about it And you don’t want to put yourself out or seem to aggressive or do you seem to negative and by throwing up those boundaries often it makes It gives you the impression that you’re being difficult when really it’s just holding on to what is a necessity for you, so it’s It’s important to understand that just because it’s a boundary doesn’t mean that you’re being difficult or that you’re being negative or that You’re being obstinate for the sake of obstinacy or combative Sometimes that’s what you need to do in order to get things done into order to maintain your own balance and your priorities Oh no for sure and the thing is I because I go into these rooms all the time with men and I’m a lot of times I will be the only woman in the room, right?
Holly Cotton
And so they’re thinking that oh well, she’s cute or she’s tall She got in here because she laughs a lot or whatever it is, they don’t give me the respect, they don’t basically respect my credentials, they just think that I’m in there fooling around.
So I at first was trying to figure out how to navigate that because I didn’t want to be the woman that was like, look at me, look at me or I felt like I had to be super strong so that you would respect me.
I had to learn how to navigate those spaces and now I’m just like one version. You get me, Holly, I might be not as loud, might be, you know, as Joel Ville, but it’s one version.
So regardless of what your opinion is about me, you’re getting Holly hot and that’s coming in there and I’m going to be the same way.
And I think that’s the problem, just like you just said, it’s generalization, but it’s so accurate. So the margin of people that aren’t affected by this.
that is so minute because most women can relate especially me being a minority woman because people are okay she’s gonna you know what is she gonna do and i’m also from the south so i have a southern accent so when i come in they automatically think that i’m you know maybe not educated or i’m i don’t know what i’m talking about or i’m or i’m not defined they don’t know i traveled the world they don’t know anything about me so even that as someone with an accent it’s like real are you really doubting my smarts because i have a draw come on now but that’s the way it is so you have to come in and you have to be unapologetically strong but give one version i’m not buffering down for anyone ever again in life that’s it sorry that’s why i’m on the show right now i’m a bad own light because other people are afraid
Amanda Furgiuele
of the brightness, they’re afraid of the shadows that you cast and I think it’s so sad really that people can’t be themselves in their true essence, particularly when it comes to a business in my world.
As you said, a lot of times you’re in room with a lot of men who think one thing about you and so you feel this pressure to be more or present a certain side of yourself so that you will fit into that box but I don’t know maybe it’s because I’m older now, I’m like nope.
Holly Cotton
I don’t I don’t know, I don’t know, I play in cancer, I was like you know what, that was before cancer, sorry, that Holly is long gone, you got after cancer Holly is she don’t care, yes.
Lynn Howard
Well it’s incredible how moments in time can change to the trajectory of our lives, of our opinion, of ourselves, of the way we navigate things and you said it earlier too.
like, I love them. I’m definitely incorporating that into some of my verbiage, the push of pain or the pull of pleasure.
And at the end of the day, you can do something with that or you can still sit in it.
You can still go back to who you are or who you were and not evolving bro. And I think that that’s really important.
And I love that you use that as a, as kind of, you know, that marker of like, listen, and you joke around it.
So it’s good because you it seems like, even though you’re very serious, you don’t take things at like, you don’t take things that don’t need to be serious, right?
You you’re able to like navigate. And I know for my own cancer journey, like holding on to some of that stuff, like, because I chose not to go through chemo or radiation, I advocated for myself and I did a lot of internal work.
But I know that like, when you hold on to that, like that’s where disease comes back. That’s where unhappiness and the I know you talk a lot in the mental illness.
in the mental stability space as well. Like that’s where you start to like kind of go sideways. And so I love that you are like so strong in that, so absolutely not because absolutely things can change.
And especially if you have another marker after like you had cancer, did you separate after cancer before cancer?
Holly Cotton
What marriage? So I actually, so I, so let me tell you. So actually I had just separated with my ex-husband, maybe like a month or two before he moved out and moved and he had moved into an apartment.
And so, you know, of course, it was probably like six months of really intense, just toxic relationship. And then he moved out maybe like a month or two before that.
And then, I was so crazy because I found my lump and then I was like oh my gosh and so he and I tried to reconnect and you know he actually was there in his own way for me during all of my surgeries and my treatment and all of that but once that was over and I wasn’t the patient anymore and I went back to regaining my strength and going on my own spiritual journey of healing and processing then of course we wound up you know separating again and then we did get a divorce but he was there and we stayed together another I don’t know three or four years after that but it it was like we got together because of cancer or got back together before that yeah but that marker still even though you knew you already on your way out like that’s still a big marker and then you have to with kids etc as I’m saying it’s so easy to fall back into some of our old nuances or
old habits when we have even something not that big right so if we love the familiarness the familiar familiarness is easy it’s easy i don’t have even though i hate like 38 000 things that you do these six over here are really good like i i know you’re gonna pick the kids up after school i know you can help with this i won’t have to go here i this job that i supposedly hate but i know i can come in 20 minutes late every day but then they make me miserable for seven hours and 30 minutes through the day but because i get to come in 20 minutes late because of the familiarness i’m gonna stick with this job that i hate that’s crappy so it’s the familiarness that people cannot let go and i’m like hey make me uncomfortable for a couple of months give me some uncomfortable i love to grow i will not stay where things are sucky and i’m miserable i’d rather be uncomfortable and not know anything or anyone that would be miserable just for
Lynn Howard
So quote of like, uh, the pain of today versus the tomorrow and the next day and the next day, right?
Just rip off the band and get it done with. I love that.
Amanda Furgiuele
But that’s really more of a almost a CEO entrepreneurial mindset because the idea that you’re happy to thrive in some discomfort so that you can grow and change.
That’s not something everybody has or is willing to do or withstand because it is the discomfort. It is the change.
It is the scariness. And that’s something that separates a lot of entrepreneurs apart from, you know, the thing that they used to do or how a lot of people think about life because that discomfort is really hard and it’s the unfamiliarity and that’s something that some people will never choose willingly to overcome.
They’re always going to sit there in the comfort in that lack of growing because it’s familiar because it’s comfortable and they’re not
willing to make that challenge and to make that leap into the unknown.
Lynn Howard
But you said it again, it’s an entrepreneur. Oh, go ahead. No, no, I was going to, I just want to highlight that it is a choice.
The CEO mindset that you’re just talking about, like people can do that. It is choice and you do not have to have something traumatic to happen to you, for you to get your together and actually start living in that way.
think that I just want to emphasize that.
Holly Cotton
Sorry, go ahead. No, no, no. And I was going to say, I was going to say the same thing, Lynn.
I was about to say that it’s not even CEO, like we’re not even talking about entrepreneur. We’re talking about just life and being successful in something that you are passionate about.
So even if you don’t want to be an entrepreneur, if you want to be the best parent, what are some things that you have to do?
How do you go on your journey? you want to start working out, think about when you go to the gym, those first couple of times, you’re so sore, your muscles are never been to the gym or eating whatever it is that you’re trying to do.
want to withdraw from drinking margaritas there. every day. Now you’re like, not you’re now only here. So even going through some type of withdrawal from a bad habit, all of those things are necessary for you to be successful at whatever it is.
Business is great because hey, who doesn’t like some money from all this hard work too, but just in life in general?
Amanda Furgiuele
Absolutely, absolutely. So I do want to ask, tell me a little bit about your newest book.
Holly Cotton
Oh, okay. So my newest book, is that window cutting out my head? Okay, well, we’re just going to have to.
Oh, there we go. Okay, back to business. So my newest book is called Don’t Call Them. And so I actually wrote a book because of course, you know, I navigated the same whole life.
I do a lot of stuff, especially in the mental health field. And because apparently, first of all, and people love to tell me their life stories, unfortunately, but I’m good for you.
That’s for me. So I know a lot of gossip, know a lot of juice about stuff. So last summer I wrote a book called Somebody’s Wife or Not, and it’s called the Subheading is Discovering Self-Love in Single Life.
So I have little scenarios in there about people and things that they’ve gone through, how you think that you’re happy, problems that people have single versus relationship, cheating, versus staying together, ego versus communication.
So I have like these little stories put in there, in addition to motivating you to be the best version of yourself, right?
So the feedback that I was getting from people who had read my book was, but Holly, I still love them.
Listen, I can’t wait to love myself. I just got to get them out of my spirit. Oh, I can still feel them.
still need them. How do I? So I was like, you know what? New book idea. me come up with something else.
So my newest book is called Don’t Call Them, and it’s basically resisting the urge to contact your ex through account.
ability through reflection and then the self-discovery part because as I’m talking about my new book when I go on platforms I’m explaining that we have to take accountability for the person that we were in the relationship and a lot of times whenever we’re breaking up with someone or we’re bored of line breaking up or we were like I’m not happy here it’s always the other person but it’s never what am I doing wrong why is this not working for me why do I keep picking the wrong people what is going on with me that this is my type no no one’s type should be a terrible man like no one’s type shouldn’t be that it’s you and the way that you act it’s the way that you react to that type of person so it’s about taking accountability and then also a lot of women else ask like okay well what are you looking for in the next relationship oh well everything my ex didn’t do well that’s not specific if you’re just throwing an ad into the universe what does that mean you’re not actually manifesting what it is that you want
So looking into that, taking accountability for what you did wrong, what you wanted to write in your next relationship, what are you looking for.
So there’s journaling prompts about things that, you know, the way that your ex made you feel there are little distraction activities that are really fun, like a closure letter is one, don’t send it, do not send, but being able to release all of that because why we want to call them is because we want them to care about our feelings.
If I tell him this one last time, how he hurt me, how I’m feeling right now, then he’s going to change.
He’s going to, she’s going to be different now if he realizes the impact of what he did to meet.
No, he doesn’t care. He doesn’t feel it’s not going to point to give me the closure that I want.
So it’s just a fun book. It’s really good. Again, there’s a journaling there, there’s a distraction activity. And then of course, there’s different motivational things that you can have on the day, know, like they have little parts in their road apart about, you know, you wake up in the middle of the night and you hold your stomach because you miss them so much.
You see that pillow that they slept on or you see a sock in the corner that they left and you have that pit in your stomach of a longing for them.
Don’t call them. So yes, that’s my new book.
Lynn Howard
I love that. Well, you’re teaching them to be advocates for themselves, right? There’s like a reoccurring thing about the advocating for and it sounds like I love it.
I feel like I can talk about dating all the time. I have very unique stories, but with that being said, it’s like, you know, so many individuals are so superficial and this can bleed into business as well, but so superficial and the this is what I want.
But it’s very superficial. layers and you said like, okay, they give you the response, I just don’t want them to be like my ex, you know, and if they were giving those markers, it’s all about the other person, this superficial, this superficial, and not about themselves.
And I love, I’m a big person of reflection, and I’ve done a lot of self-work and cancer. I mean, I was doing it before, but cancer was definitely the marker for me to put in that work.
And I love that this book is taking the monitor and he also supporting them, but reclaiming themselves, learning how to take responsibility for oneself, and actually how to paint that picture of like, how to move forward in the way that rinse and repeat in the all the bad ways.
Amanda Furgiuele
Yeah, I love all the account accountabilities for me is so important because I think, and this is on both genders, this is not just, this is on everybody, you’ll have this like, well, they did this, they did this, they did this, they did this, like, what do you do?
because it wasn’t like you were the perfect angel, the exact perfect embodiment of all things.
Lynn Howard
No. Absolutely.
Amanda Furgiuele
So what did you do? Take ownership of that and do some work on it, because yeah, it’s you too.
Lynn Howard
Yeah, it’s not a treat us. Yeah, it didn’t take that into your next relationship.
Holly Cotton
Like, listen, I know that I was a terrible communicator with my ex because I felt that I would try to talk to him.
And it was like, I was talking to this. He didn’t like my tone or he didn’t know. And then he would, so it was like this whole toxic communication.
We could not communicate at all. And so I was like, well, you know what? You did this and you did this.
And then when I started on my world journey, I was like, well, how would, you know, sometimes maybe you don’t talk about this in a certain way.
And then when I wrote somebody’s wife or not, I talked about that part in communication. And I said that a lot of times men or women will say, well, I’m never going to do this again.
again for someone else, or I’m not going to do this. I’m not going to, I’m not cooking dinner for some for the next man, or a man would say, well, I’m not spending any money on women, all women are gold diggers.
And I’ll say, okay, is it just that the person that you were with before made you feel unappreciated for what you did?
How do you know that the next person won’t appreciate you? So maybe that person might need that in their love language, and you have to give it to them so that they can reciprocate that to you and people are like, well, I guess it was because she made me feel like that.
Or I guess, yeah, because I guess he did. And then I too had to say, Holly, maybe you need to start communicating better.
And now I’m like, you know, I’m out here pimping out. No, but now I just feel that whenever I meet someone and I have like, we start talking and we’re dating, I get all the time.
Oh my gosh, you are the best communicator. I’m never dated a woman that can communicate her feelings as well.
So as you and I’m like, well, it was a growth journey, Holly. This is the new chapter. I’m realized now how to say how I feel about a situation rather than the entire whole relationship.
It’s not all or nothing, you know? So that was big for me. had to say, it was hard. It was hard for me to look in mirrors.
Hey, Holly, you’re not as perfect as you think you are, but it’s necessary.
Lynn Howard
Like at the end of the day, and I mean, those that have been listened to the podcast. No, I talk about this a lot, like looking at the reflection and like doing the self work.
And because the change has to happen from within. It isn’t going to happen externally. It has to start happening from within.
If you don’t do the work, and my kids are in their 20s. And it’s interesting because I have the one daughter who we’ve had many conversations over and over again, because she’s she’s struggled in some of her relationships and she would say, I’m just not happy.
And I would be like, babe, but like, how are you? Like, what makes you happy? I don’t know. expect another person to know.
how are you going to heal yourself in order to be able to move forward? And that was also part of my story with my divorce.
And again, that’s a whole other thing to impact at the time. We’re actually best friends. our story is a little different.
But most people don’t put in the work like we did. And so there’s a whole other aspect to that.
But I know we’re coming at time, but I definitely want you to touch on because you have a new book too for affirmations for adolescents and children.
Holly Cotton
I do. I do. So I actually have a book series and it’s called Your Mind, Your Magic. And I actually have a foundation that I started with that book series, Mind, Your Magic.com.
And so the book series, I wanted to really bring back again, I had started talking to individuals, marriages, had book about goals, got a book about being a cancer survivor.
so I just felt that I was going into these rooms. no one was talking to about adolescent mental health.
I realized that the theme was how we were dealing with us, that we were already being jacked up as an adult.
And now here we are trying to deal with this trauma, learning how to communicate. Like you said, reflection, we’re doing all of these things in our 30s, 40s, 50s, up.
And it’s like, but what about if we start young? What if we start hitting that, that tween teen group?
So that was my initiative for this year. like, you know what, I’m going to use my voice now to have this little platform that I have developed.
Now I’m going to use this platform to start spreading the word about mental health for adolescents. And so that’s exactly what I did.
I started your mind, your magic, and I have four books in the series. I have one for all teens, tweens.
I have one for young men, specifically, I have one for sick kids, kids that have chronic illnesses. then I have one that are for extra special.
Oh, extra special, I call them extra special teens, which are our special need teens. And each book, there’s a scenario on one side that has something that they’re going through.
And then on the other page, it’s affirmations that are applicable to that. So whether it be going through puberty, whether it be making good grades, whether it’s, you know, dealing with your mom or dad.
And then not only that, but I wanted to make it applicable for parents to give it as a gift to a child or for someone to give it to, as a gift to someone else, because sometimes we need to figure out how to open dialogue.
Maybe they aren’t comfortable talking to their parent about something that they’re going through. So I wanted to make it have a bunch of different, I think it’s 20 different things.
each one is, again, a cater to that audience. far, it’s for like the, I call the warriors, those are the sick kids.
chronic illness kids, diabetes, cancer kids, you know, whatever, kids that I want through something, they might have some type of deformity or again,
living being sick. How are these things relating to you? Let me talk to my mom about this or a parent being able to come and say, hey, I know that you’ve been living with asthma and diabetes your whole life.
Or, hey, I know you, you know, you we’ve been fighting leukemia for 10 years now, but are they something that you’re going through?
Because we see them as these little bounce back, you know, that whatever mom’s happy. you’re happy. We’re doing we’re healed.
And again, one for boys as well. Because I know that there are certain things that, you know, boys are going through with sports and like I said, the competitiveness, the bullying, things like that.
So being able to talk to them because we want to have strong men. We want to have men. I want my daughter to be able to marry a man that knows how to talk about his feelings that someone is like, I woke up today feeling great.
And now I want to empower my wife to wake up feeling great as well. So I feel that creating these types of conversations, opening
dialogue between parents and those tweens and teens was very important. So again, four books in the series. I also have all four of them written in espanol as well.
So I go a lot in the community. I’m here in Houston. I know Amanda, you said Houston as well.
So, you know, we have a large hits band population and several very segmented areas where it’s pretty much like all Hispanic population.
So I can go and I can handle those out because just because you don’t speak my language, I don’t speak Spanish.
People think I do, but I don’t. But just because I don’t speak Spanish, I still don’t want every population to be able to have that love to speak that love.
And I get Hispanic moms all the time. That’s like, this is not even something that we talk about in our culture.
This is not like we raised them to do. And I’m like, yeah, well, you know what, here we are, you know, your, your son or daughter might be the next president of the United States.
You know, where are we going in, you know, 20, 30 years, you wants them to be mentally strong as well.
So that’s my story about that.
Lynn Howard
I love that. And you actually have a code that we’ll put in our show notes as well.
Holly Cotton
Yep. So I have if you go to my website and you can’t afford this $7.99 for the book, no worries.
I have an ebook version that is available and then at checkout you just type in free ebook.
Amanda Furgiuele
And of course that will be in our show notes. All those links will be in the show notes. So if you are looking for them, just scroll down little further.
Lynn Howard
They’re right there. Absolutely. Holly, this was great to have you on. I feel like we can chat with you forever about all kinds of things.
Holly Cotton
Is there any last nuggets that you’d like to leave the audience before we close out? My biggest thing when I come on shows and we’re talking about entrepreneurship or we’re talking about goals or we’re talking about seeing someone that’s being a badass or living in what their purpose is, is that you won’t know what
your purpose is unless you try. And whether that be today, whether that be tomorrow, you have to figure it out.
And the only way you’re going to find your purpose is by going out on a ledge and trying something.
It’s about being uncomfortable. It’s about getting out of that norm. And once you figure out, you know what, I thought that was something, but it’s really not, I would much rather have the regret of saying, that didn’t work out rather than being on my deathbed and sitting here and saying all the things that I never tried and now I don’t have the opportunity for.
So, which regret are you going to choose?
Amanda Furgiuele
Thank you, Holly, so much for being on our show. And again, all for information is going to be in our show notes.
make sure you are reaching out to www.thepursuitofbadasserie.com/podcast and looking for that information there.
Holly Cotton
Absolutely.
Lynn Howard
you. Thank you, Holly, and give Holly a follow and share this with somebody who you know that could use a little bit of boost boundaries and Probably some more badassery in their lives.
So you till next time.
Amanda Furgiuele
Get after it.